We Did
by starkid writer
Summary: "I know we're a little dramatic sometimes, but I don't think anyone would ever consider taking their own life." What if instead of Mr. Schue sharing his story, someone else did instead. What could have happened in On My Way. Slight TRIGGER WARNING


**A/N: This is what I think could have happened in On My Way. No spoilers, just headcanon. TRIGGER WARNING. Slightly. But I wouldn't recommend reading it if you're sensitive about attempted suicide and implied cutting.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee**

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"_I know we're a little dramatic sometimes, but I don't think anyone would ever consider taking their own life."_

Kurt was furious. None of them knew what it was like to be in that dark a place. They all said no one would ever do that. What did they know? Had they ever been picked on? Well, they _were_ picked on, but not as much as him and Blaine. And Karofsky.

Without thinking, he pushed up the sleeve of his shirt and shoved his bare arm into the circle. All eyes locked in on the slightly prominent red lines slowly fading away into the porcelain skin.

Kurt watched Blaine's eyes widen from across the circle. He already knew, but he didn't know Kurt would share. Blaine had found them one day in a heated make-out session. Kurt just couldn't lie to his boyfriend like he lied to everyone else. "My cat scratched me," he'd tell them when they asked. Or, "I fell. I'm so clumsy!" "Too tight bracelets." "Art class." No one knew, or bothered to know, that Kurt didn't have a cat. Nor was he clumsy. He never wore bracelets. He didn't take art. But they all knew now. Blaine moved around the circle to Kurt and clutched his hand.

"Oh my God. Kurt…" Mercedes said in a whisper.

" 'No one would ever do something like that,' " Kurt mimicked. "You can't just assume these things. You have no idea what it's like."

"We've all been bullied, Kurt, and it's not a reason to kill or hurt yourself in any way," Rachel said. "Personally, I would just switch schools—"

"Doesn't matter. It follows you," Kurt said in a monotone. "Wherever you go, there will always be bullies. The whispers behind your back, the fingers pointing in the hall, the horrible posts spamming your Facebook, they hurt. Like hell."

"That's happened to all of us," Rachel tried to reason again, "but we don't try to—"

"People think I have a _disease_, Rachel," Kurt said, eyes closed. "They think it's a phase or I'm confused and they try to "fix" me. Sometimes, it's just too much. All of these bad feelings build up and you just can't take it any more. You just give up." Kurt's voice broke, and Blaine tried to hug him but Kurt shrugged him off.

"Kurt?" Mr. Schuester asked, and Kurt looked up at him. "Would you mind telling us what your story is?"

Kurt drew in a shaky breath and began.

"Middle school was tough. High school was harder. I was figuring out who I was and everyone else was, too, apparently. It started with the names. Then it was the occasional shove into a locker. When I was finally allowed to get a Facebook, there was so much hate mail written on my wall that I deleted it a week later. I went home every day crying. One day, I just broke."

Kurt looked down at his lap and tried to recollect himself. Blaine wrapped a protective arm around his waist and brought him in closer.

"That day was no different from any other," Kurt continued. "When I got home, I saw a knife on the counter, and it was like it was mocking me. I had been thinking about it for a while, but when I got really close to actually acting on it, I talked myself out of it. Then I went to the bathroom, and I saw a razor on the counter and I just used it. It didn't help. I didn't like it. But I couldn't stop. I started off only doing it every so often, but then I just couldn't stop thinking about it. It took over my life. And no one noticed a thing. The problem wasn't me trying to get attention. The problem was me."

"Does your father know?" Mr. Schue asked.

"Yes. He found me while I was doing it once. I think that was the worst feeling in the world. I was scared because he found out my secret, yes, but I was more afraid I would lose him as a father. He just looked so confused, wondering why I would ever do that to myself. He was hurt because I never came to him. I really damaged our relationship that day, and I've spent years trying to repair it."

"Blaine was bullied, too," Rachel countered. "He never did this stuff."

Kurt looked to Blaine expectantly. Blaine shook his head. _Please_, Kurt mouthed, but Blaine shook his head again. "Please back me up here," Kurt whispered in his ear.

"I'm not ready," Blaine whispered back. "I don't want them to know."

"I didn't want them to know, either. But I felt passionate enough about this to share. Please do the same."

"Fine," he hissed. "I tried to kill myself," he announced. This was met by blank stared and few gasps. "I had been suicidal for a while. Everything mocked me. Bridges begged me to jump off them. Pills begged me to swallow them. Trees begged me to hang myself on them. My bed begged me never to get out of it. One day, I just took a handful of pills and swallowed them."

Blaine paused a bit before continuing. "I waited for a while, but nothing happened. Everything was hazy and weird, but I wasn't losing consciousness. So I decided to try something else. My father keeps a shotgun in his room. I was this close to using it. I had it loaded and everything. There was absolutely nothing stopping me. I was about to pull the trigger when I passed out.

"I woke up in the hospital," Blaine continued. "My brother, Cooper, had found me. I still can't believe I did that to him." A tear escaped, so Kurt took over talking.

"When we found out about each other, we did everything to help. I think it's safe to say that we are both in a much better place now." Kurt looked to Blaine for confirmation, and Blaine gave a slight nod.

They grasped hands. The couple was very grateful for many things. They were grateful they had met each other on the staircase that day. They were grateful they got together, even though it did take a while. They were grateful the other was accepting. Most of all, they were grateful they were both alive to enjoy all this. They both had their issues, but they would be strong for each other.

They held on to each other like a lifeline, which, quite literally, it was.

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**A/N: It feels like this story is kind of told from a pro-suicide point of view. It's not supposed to be, it's just that Kurt is dealing with that stuff and it's told from his point of view.**

******Suicide is very serious. **Please don't hurt yourself. Love your body, love who you are, and just love life. Please don't make any choices you'll regret.


End file.
